A pile of ashes.

I remember when I first met you,
At the Homecoming football game.
The first thing I noticed was that your eyes were blue.
You told me your name,
I told you mine.
We left, not knowing if we'd meet again.
That very night, you found me online.
And we talked for hours upon end.
You asked if I could be yours,
I smiled and told you I'd love to be.
For months we learned about each other,
Our hopes, fears, dreams, and what made us happy.
We became so close, I knew we'd never seperate,
We were like the sun and moon,
We needed each other to survive, never to become desolate
Little did I know, we would fall soon.
We grew apart
Day after day
Wishing for a brand new start
Hoping for a brighter day.
I gave you all I had, in hopes that would suffice
But you gave up, and left without a thought.
I tried to win you back, but in doing so paid a price.
You killed me with your words, making me distraught.
I fell into hold habits,
Hurting myself to find peace.
Creating more and more secrets,
To hide my unhealthy form of release.
It was relief I felt,
When the blade crossed my skin.
Relief no other could have dealt.
I enveloped myself in my own form of sin.
Day after day I fell deeper into my own hole,
Trying to find a way out
Looking for a loophole
A way out of my doubt.
Doubt that I would ever be myself again,
Doubt I was worth anything
Doubt that I would never love again
Doubt that nothing could stop this aching.
Then, like a beautiful bright light,
God spoke out to me.
He said, 'There is no need to fear, for I am with you.' I knew then, it would all be alright.
Slowly, day by day, I became what is now me.
Growing stronger and stronger everyday.
Becoming who I was born to be.
To explain how I felt understanding my purpose in this world, is nothing I can say.
But what I can show you
As you watch me grow,
In the one and only God who will never forsake you.
Then there will be no explaining to be done, you'll just know.
I know now, I loved him for a reason.
That reason I will not know till the time is right,
And when it is, it will be a new season,
A season, that I can actually get right.

He used to only be a bunch of memories in a box,
Now he's a pile of ashes.

The inspiration for this? Yesterday, (well now, two days ago.) On the 19th of August was the mark of one year being single. And on the 20th, I burned the evidence. I had planned on only burning a few of the things, but an angry streak broke out in me and I burned it all. Pictures, a T-Shirt, letters from him, letters to him, a bear, a CD. I burned it all. And I haven't felt this free in so long. Watching them burn one at a time was a huge accomplishment. Watching the words he wrote to me shrivel up and die was an experience I almost wish I could relive. :)

All I know is I am free of the relationship. Forever. And I couldn't be happier. :)