Death.

Just recently, there was a death in the family. My grandmother passed away in her sleep at
the hospital she was staying at. She was the first family member, or friend, that I've ever
lost due to death. So not knowing how to react, I sat in my room, thinking. Not knowing
whether to cry, or laugh about the good times I had shared with her. What pains me the
most is the fact she wanted to see me, but I said no. Because I had to wait until she was
out of the hospital, because I wasn't going to be able to stand the smell or the white
walls, or the closed in echo-y rooms. Because I'm terrified of them. So I told her I'd
wait. And now she's gone, and I couldn't tell her I loved her.

I really don't understand death. I know that I sound like a child, but I really don't.
I'm guessing I don't understand it because I don't know how to react to it. She's gone.
GONE. It's hard to grasp. I've never had to think about funerals or any of that mess.
People considered me lucky, but no. I would rather have dealt with death when I was younger.
Because as bad as it sounds, at least I'd be almost used to it. I really don't know where
this is going, it just feels so good to get some thinking out of the way...

-Taylor Marie